Australia's not-so-secret plans revealed

When I first saw the headline that a dossier with Australia's plan to tackle South Africa in the upcoming test had been leaked, I rushed my hand to the mouse to click on the link. I was expecting the Australian team to have found some way to have changed the red cherry into a nuclear bomb that detonates at the South African batsman or found some new version of the doosra called the x-oosra, or something even unthinkable. But instead it had a straight forward plan that left me disappointed. Here is the Australian dossier.
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TOP SECRET - For members of the Australian test team only - Nov 7, 2012
From: Cricket Australia
Subject: Plans for Brisbane test against SA

Agenda: To defeat South Africa in the Brisbane test

The Plan:

The plan to defeat South Africa will be discussed in three complex steps.

1.) Bowl well
2.) Bat well
3.) Field well
4.) Secret weapon X

Now we'll look at each point in detail.

1.) Bowl well
Pick up South African wickets. Our research says that we would need to pick up at least 20 wickets.
Plan Pigeon - Don't give away too many runs. Bowl miserly.
Try trapping Graeme Smith LBW. He moves across his stumps.
Pepper Hashim Amla with short-deliveries. He is an Indian.
Unleash secret weapon X (to be discussed below)

2.) Bat well
Score runs. Plenty and plenty of runs at a fast rate.
Plan VVS - Bat for long hours. Session, after session. Day after day, like VVS Laxman.
Attack impatient Imran Tahir. Our batsmen play spin well.
Go after Morne Morkel. He bowls like Mitchell Johnson.
Don't. Under any circumstance, DON'T go after Dale Steyn.
Tire out Vernon Philander. He has no stamina.
Don't lose 20 wickets. Research shows we will lose if that happens.

3.) Field Well
Catch the ball. Catches win matches.
Affect run outs. This gets us wickets.
Restrict runs.

Unleash secret weapon X (to be discussed below)

4.) Secret Weapon X
We have two secret weapons.
Secret Weapon X1 - Michael Clarke's captaincy. This is a sure winner!
Secret Weapon X2 - Psychological warfare. Sledge, sledge, sledge.

If we do this right, we should win. Good luck boys.

- CA

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Now we all knew this even before reading a word of it, didn't we?

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Posted in: Amla,Australia,Graeme Smith,Imran Tahir,M. Morkel,Michael Clarke,Philander,South Africa,Steyn